INFORMATION FOR POSITIVE ACTION
When a problem exists sometimes people need help to explore how to manage it. Counselling is one form of help. It is not about the counsellor fixing the problem. It is about the counsellor helping explore the problem’s affects and possible ways of dealing to the problem, enabling a person to discover they have choices, possibly have managed this type of problem already and can take action.
ALCOHOL & OTHER DRUGS
Drugs refer to substances that change the way your brain works and affect how you think, act
and feel. Most people have tried alcohol or another drug; however, we can often
underestimate the effects that they have on our bodies and minds.
All drugs have NEGATIVE effects and if you are considering using a drug it is important that you know how it will affect your body both in the short and long term. If you use a drug including alcohol a lot you may find that it is not enjoyable anymore and it is hard to reduce or stop using it. There is help. You can talk with a counsellor, nurse or GP.
Some websites and contacts that may be useful
Alcohol drug line
0800 787 797
Kids line 0800 543 754
Youth line 0800 37 66 33
CareNZ work in our school every Thursday - Book an appointment with Linda Tiro
Worry/anxiety is a normal reaction to events happening in our lives. Worry at 5 or less on the worry scale, about an exam or job interview can positively help us in making sure we get prepared or take some action beforehand. In some unfamiliar circumstances, worry can help by heightening our arousal and alertness so we are well prepared for any quick action that is needed.
Worry/anxiety can become problematic when it interferes with our daily functioning and general coping ability. Fears and worries can become overwhelming and get us stuck needing some help. When we get stuck with worry/anxiety sometimes we can experience panic which may feel like overwhelming fear taking control. These feeling remind us that something needs to change. We may need some help to explore how worry, panic, fear,or anxiety managers to get us to think, communicate or act in ways that may not be helpful.
We can all experience feeling depressed. Sometimes we say we are "depressed" when we are feeling a bit miserable or sad. In most cases we will start feeling good about our situation or life and are no longer depressed.
Some people find that they cannot shake off the gloomy feelings - even when good things happen, they still feel down or sad. They may find it hard to get through the day or to be motivated to even get out of bed.
This can indicate the person is stuck and caught up with depression. This can happen when there is a build up or troubles, problems or difficulties and it can feel like they can not be solved or eradicated.
Sometimes people feel embarrassed about getting help for depression, and think they should just keep going until they feel better. In some cases, people might not even know they are caught up with depression and may need some help to find out ways
of making themselves feel better. A doctor or counsellor will be able to help you. Ask a friend or someone from your family/whanau to go with you when you go to get help.
Bullying is able to catch each and every one of us at times in our lives. Bullying can be felt physically, emotionally, verbally, and indirectly. It is present in every aspect of our lives, in our homes, in schools, in the communities we are part of, clubs, workplaces, the courts, and in our sporting arenas – it is everywhere.
Sadly people talk about bullying like it is a school based problem only and this is just no correct. The affect of bullying is measured by the receiver. If I yell at some one to be heard (thinking it is Ok to yell to get his / her attention) this
could be Ok or the receiver could feel bullied. That would then mean from the receivers perspective I am in fact engaged in bullying.
The affects of bullying are damaging. It has people thinking:
• I don’t fit in
• No one sticks up for me
• I am a victim
• He/She is allowed to treat me like this
• There is nothing I can do
• If I say something it will get worse
Bullying thrives on the belief that it will get worse if someone tells – this belief enables bullying to become worse!!!
There is enormous power in the people who watch bullying at work. If we could empower people to stand alongside some one experiencing bulling, - then changes can happen. We must change how we think, how we act and how we communicate and then
bullying would be conquered.
We could think
• I can tell some one and that will help
• I don’t have to put up with this bullying
• I am strong I can take
• Bullying can be stopped
We could act differently
• Look at the person engaged in bullying and stand tall
• Get my friends to stand with me
• Get support people to stand with me
We could communicate differently
• Tell the person engaged in bullying how you feel
• Ask questions that encourage a person involved in bullying to think about the
affects and messages their actions say about them as a person
Bullying is the name given to the way people relate to others that usually involves the misuse of power, position, a relationship, threats, rumours and exclusion. It has been in existence since life began and has been perpetuated by society. If we can be in
positive relationships with people then bullying would find it difficult to have an existence.
Feeling sad when we have lost something or some one is natural and normal. It is a response to the pain we feel when we lose something precious or meaningful – This could be a broken relationship, parents separating, loss of health, loss of friends or
friendship, loss of job, an exam failure, death, loss of hope, or love.
Whatever the loss our mental, physical and emotional well being are affected and we can experience numbness, disbelief, loneliness, fear, guilt, regret, anger, tiredness, loss of appetite, stress, tearfulness, aches and pains , headaches.
There is no rule over how we are affected or for how long it will last, that all depends on our thinking about the loss.
Coping with grief is about helping people realise and utilise the strengths that lie with in them.
Abuse can be emotional abuse, physical abuse or sexual abuse, or abuse by neglect. Often abuse manages to silence victims. They think they can not tell anyone, that there will be more trouble if they tell someone, or that the person they should be able to tell is in fact the person abusing.
Abuse leaves signs
• Sad eyes, watchful eyes
• Withdrawing from friends
• Changes in behaviour
Sexual abuse is any sexual behaviour directed toward a person who has power over a person.
Abuse needs to be reported to some one who can help. This could be a GP, nurse or counsellor or a trusted friend who will stand with a person while they get some professional help.
that may be useful
As we grow up we receive confusing messages about lying. Sometimes the messages tell us it is Ok
to tell lies (e.g. to save some ones feelings) and at other times the messages tell us it is not OK. We see people caught up with lying all the time and in many cases there is no problem. Some people say “I am straight up” and this may suggest they don’t get involved with lying no matter how what they have to say may affect another person. Perhaps this straight up idea does not always escape lying. Lying can trap us in a pattern of behaving and communicating that never works in our favour.
How can we learn that being truthful is best when the results of being truthful can also be
painful? It all comes down to communication.
We sometimes get caught up with lying when we want to:
• Get out of trouble or to avoid getting into trouble
• Avoid punishment
• Avoid embarrassment( so they fit in with the group)
• Get some one else into trouble
• Make ourselves seem / look more interesting to others ( by exaggerating bragging or boasting)
• Avoid an awkward situation (Mum says I can not go out tonight)
• Keep self safe ( like avoiding answering a strangers questions)
• Keep secrets
• Avoid hurting some ones feelings
It is never ok to get caught up with lying:
• To avoid getting in trouble when you are involved
• To upset tease or spread false rumours about another person
• To blame some one else for something you have
• To cheat someone
• When someone else could be hurt (if someone is being bullied, or in an unsafe situation maybe involving
drugs and alcohol)
being aware of not feeling connected to others. Loneliness is not necessarily
being alone. We may be alone for long periods without feeling at all lonely. On
the other hand we can feel our most lonely in a class with 30 other students or
in the middle of a party. Loneliness is often a signal that some thing needs to
change because some of your important needs are not being met.
many reasons why we experience loneliness:
• we're alone and
feel it wasn't our choice
• we feel we're lacking the
• we feel we
have lost the comfortable environment we maybe had in the past - leaving home,
after the break-up of parents relationships, break up of a personal relationship
• we're experiencing changes in our life - a new school, town, class, job;
• we feel there's no one in our lives with whom we can share our feelings and experiences;
Loneliness can get us thinking things that are not helpful like” there’s something wrong with me if I am lonely or I am the only person who feels like this”
feeling of loneliness sends us a message!
SOMETHNG NEEDS TO
Ideas to help make a change
• Get involved with shared activities you are genuinely interested in, such as a cultural
group, hobby, sports team, drama group. Being with people who are focusing on an
activity you all enjoy can quickly lead to new friends.
• A smile or a nod or saying hello to a classmate can help.
• Get involved in class discussions.
• Volunteer work is a good way to learn about yourself and others, and can help to have you feeling good.
• Eat properly, get regular exercise, and enough sleep.
• When you are alone enjoy yourself by learning to enjoy and value your own company then you will find that others enjoy your company too.
ICT HOT TIPS INTERNET DATING
HERE ARE SOME IDEAS FOR NAVIGATING THE WORKLD OF ICT THAT
WILL HELP YU STAY HUMAN IN A WORLD OF MACHINES.
People love the way the net helps them overcome shyness and the net increases the “pool’ of people we
can get to know.
Spend time on the phone prior to meeting. But do not give out your home
or cell phone number. This way you can get to feel more comfortable with the person you are talking to. Don’t give out your number to set up the call. Armed with just a phone number, anyone can find out your home address and other
personal information. This can lead to identity theft, stalking or other dangers.Set up a Skype account for voice and video
Meet in a public place. When you first meet someone it is best to do
so in a public place surrounded by other people. This way you do not have to worry about finding yourself in a dangerous situation
Never get talked into anything you do not want to do or feel your obliged to do anything. If you feel like you are being coaxed or forced
into an uncomfortable meeting or situation. AVIOID IT Say NO Listen to your Gut feeling !
Do not get into the car . Getting into a car with a stranger is not advised. Keep to your plan and stay in a public place for a first meeting.
Let someone know where and when you are meeting and anything you know about the person you are meeting. This way if there is a problem people know where you are and who you are with and when you are expected home.
Watch out for red flags - like catching them out in a lie. “Little white lies” often reveal much larger ones. If they won’t allow you to call them or won’t send a pic, this may be a sign of a potential fraud. If a friendship starts off with lies, odds are it will continue that way.
www.dangersofinternetdating.com Realstories of when it goes so wrong.